MzEllen & Co.

Limits, Limits, Limits…

The “Carnival of Beauty” topic this week is “The Beauty of Limits” and I’ve been pondering.

The most common reason for limits is safety. The dotted line down the middle of the road, speed limits, stop signs. Another common reason is health. Limit carbohydrate, fat, calories, etc.

Limits are not only “don’t do this, do do that, don’t go there, do go there” – there is another theme:

What am I going to do more of? What am I going to do less of?

There two sources of limits; those that are imposed on you and those that you impose on yourself. New Year’s resolutions are (of course) the self-imposed kind.

My list of self-imposed limits have been posted; why did I choose these limits?

1. What am I going to do more of? Read the Bible.
2. What am I going to do less of? Leave unfinished projects.
3. What am I going to do more of? Healthy activity.
4. What am I going to do less of? Over indulge.
5. What am I going to do more of? Take care of my family.

These are not limits that are designed to “fence me in” or leave me feeling restricted. These are limits that - if carried through – will leave me more centered, more satisfied and more healthy.

Why do I rebel, even against limits that are self-imposed? Sometimes self-indulgence seems easier than true self-fulfillment. I know that in the long run, maintaining these limits (and more) is best for me. But sometimes “now” beats “long run”. Hands down.

A friend referred me to a website that has a series of “Ten Question” articles. The most common thread that runs through these questions is limits. What are you going to do more of? What are you going to do less of? These are good questions.

Read the questions and ponder them – they’re good questions. And (again) we see the common thread through most of them.

What are you going to do more of? What are you going to do less of?

Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

from spiritualdisciplines.org

1) I’m going to attempt to read through the Bible (question - if it took God thousands of years to write the Bible, why do we think we have to read it in one year - exactly?)

Anyway, I’m taking the Chronological route, found at Back to the Bible

I’m not going to stress if it takes me more than a year and I’m going to (try to) remember to post what I’m reading here - a week ahead of time.

2) I’m going to paint my office.

3) I’m going to (really) exercise 3 times a week and

4) I’m going to (really) stay on my diet 5 days a week.

5) I’m going to shine my sink every day (thanks, Flylady)

See, these things really are rather silly…(and my blog is kind of on the green side, no?)

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

My paper is now posted in its entirety. I’m sure that there could be many changes and additions - the longer I’m single the more “interviews” I could do and comments I could add.

The two I hear most often is
1) from married people: “you singles are just too sensitive, things aren’t like that at all”
and
2) from single people: “what you wrote is exactly how I feel!”

If I had to do the posting of it again, I’d do it in reverse order - as it is, the last section is at the top - but here is a link to the “INTRODUCTION” and there are links at the bottom of every page to the next page.

I got this from Blest with sons. Like she said, it seems like a good way to sum up the past year (I think I might have had a rather boring year.)

What did you do in 2005 that you’ve never done before?
I owed over $1000 on my federal income tax.

Did you keep your New Years’ Resolutions and will you make more for next year?
No. Yes. They always involve 1) organization 2) diet 3) exercise.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really. The lead teacher that I worked with last year gave birth, but we weren’t close. The lead teacher that I work with this year gave birth, but we didn’t really know each other then.

Did anyone close to you die?
No. At least not yet (God willing, there won’t be any deaths.)

What countries did you visit?
No countries this year (lots of times we get to Canada, but the closest we got was Sault Ste. Marie, on the US side. So I saw Canada. My dad took the wrong exit and went there, though. And we watched him.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked have in 2005?
Other than that which will remain nameless…

I think I’d like self-discipline (see New Years’ Resolutions)

What date from 2005 will remain etched in your memory and why?
There isn’t really a date that will remain etched, but the memory will - my son’s high school graduation. I’m not that good at remembering dates, just events.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my son through high school - at times it was a near thing.

What was your biggest failure?
hahaha. See New Year’s Resolutions.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Same early winter cold that keeps hanging on…I’m tired of it. That and a really bad spell of allergies when we had four cats in the house for a while.

What was the best thing you bought?
Young’s Double Chocolate Stout. Yummy. In the “pub can.”

(I know - you wouldn’t think chocolate and beer would mix. But even a friend who doesn’t like dark beer is now a huge fan)

Where did most of your money go?
Bills…mortgage, car, heating…

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting an “A” in “History of Western Civilization”. It was a very near thing.

What Scripture is a theme for 2005?
Galatians 6:14
But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

I’m not getting the “crucified to the world” part. But the “Christ on the cross” part - there is no room for anything but Christ. My works can’t be on there, the law, anything. Christ alone paid the price.

That’s why I got the tattoo.

Compared to this time last year are you
a) happier or sadder?
This time last year I was very happy because of the company in my home. Overall - I’m more content and sometimes that’s more important.

b) Thinner or fatter?
Within a pound.

c) Richer or poorer
About the same. Although I have some tuition bills coming up.

What do you wish you had done more of?
Cleaning. Going out for coffee with friends.

What do you wish you had done less of?
Spend money on useless stuff (fast food). Waste time.

How did you spend Christmas?
Just my kids and I. We went to church in the morning and came home and opened gifts. After that, we watched rented movies.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
More.

What was your favorite TV show?
After years of watching TV either very little or not at all…I discovered CSI

What was the best book you read?
Generally, it seems like the best one is the most recent. Seriously, I read “Paedofaith” by Rich Lusk. If you have questions about infant baptism or the process of faith in young children in Christian families - read this. (Reformed alert)

What was your greatest musical discovery of 2005?
Don’t laugh. Flatfoof 56. Christian Celtic punk. Really.

Poke around here for a bit. I recommend “Knuckles Up” (way at the bottom)

What did you want and not get?
That too shall remained unnamed.

What was your favorite film of the year?
Cinderella Man. Probably because of the company I was in.
Or Magdelene Sisters. Because of the depth.

What did you do on your birthday?
I think we just hung out.

What one thing would have made your life immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing the future (lol)

What kept you sane?
Probably not knowing the future.

What celebrity/public figure did you fancy most?
Golly - I’m not big on public figures.

What political issue stirred you most?
That’s hard. I think it might be the flap over the Supreme Court. A lot of personality traits were revealed.

Who did you miss?
That person knows.

Who was the best new person you met?
There are three of them - the folks I work with this year. As the staff in one room, we’re fitting together pretty well. Julie, Andre, Diane.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Love may not make a difference, unless the person lets it.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Holdfast (Flatfoot 56)
From the depths of Sheol to the heart of shalom,
we will stand strong together,
we will never be alone.
Fill our cups full of courage, may our face hit the floor,
when we are at our lowest point,
we stand at heaven’s door.

The line is drawn our minds are set
We now know where we stand,
It’s the brotherhood of man that stood
We follow the Father’s plan
The faith that lies within our hearts
doesn’t come from the halls of a church
It’s not about religion
It’s about a friend
And it’s Him that gave us worth.

Like Blest, I’m not going to “tag” anybody - just please post here if you go with it.

I’ve (finally) started posting the “big paper” on Adult Christian Singles in American Churches.

My goal is to have the whole thing finished by the end of break (this is bigger than it seems for an already finished paper, but I have to retype and my lack of experience with html is making things a little weirder than they might have been.)

My writing is on this blog

First essay posted is here.

Compare and Contrast Martin Luther and King Henry VIII

My family and I went to Worship Service at our church on Christmas morning and it was good.

Very good. Lots of food for thought.

The Christmas story was read from Luke 2; every other verse or so we stopped and sang a carol.

Parts of the “story” that amaze me. Not that God sent His Son (that does amaze me) - but that the second Person of the Trinity - Almighty God! came to earth in what the pastor called the “great descent”

The timing and circumstances of the greatest event in history are amazing also.

The world that Jesus was born into was under the thumb of the Roman Empire. There had been great turmoil for centuries, but only a few decades before the birth of Jesus, the Empire entered a time of relative peace, “pax Romana”. Roads were built and travel was, for the most part, safe.

The life that Jesus was born into was as shameful as the death that He died. The “birthing room” was more of a cave and the “manger” was probably more like a hole in the ground.

Christ chose to start at the beginning, like we do. Why?

Through Christ, we have a complete connection to God. Christ is our only mediator; we need no other.

Through Christ, there is a radical redemption. Being reformed, I understand that “redemption”, like in a pawn shop, means that He came to redeem that which was His.

And, through Christ, we become like Mary. Human, born into sin. Like Mary - a peasant girl - it makes no difference what our background is. Like Mary - unmarried and pregnant - our past doesn’t matter.

Like Mary, when the Holy Spirit does His work in our lives, the seed is in us. We, like Mary, become a miraculous vessel of the message of salvation.

As is my tradition (don’t ask me why, it just works)

I’m going out to do all my Christmas shopping today! I haven’t even started yet…There’s just something that I really like about the rush (I’m a search and destroy shopper).

I don’t get stressed (give me the coffee and I’ll be fine), and I do enjoy the crowds.

this is the book my son wants. So, I’m off (but those who know me already know that)

A couple of years ago I wrote a research paper on “Adult Singles in American Christian Churches”. My professor suggested I get it published, but I was already kind of persona-non-grata at my church when it came to singles issues. Then my motherboard fried and I lost the finished product - I’m going through and doing some additions and edits. 2006 might be the year.

I was widowed at age 41 after 23 years of marriage. Like most married people, I didn’t have a clue about how many single people surrounded me (or not). Like most married people - the church I was at didn’t have a lot of single people and I didn’t waste my time asking myself why that could be.

I did have single friends - my husband didn’t come to church with me for several years and in that time, married women didn’t befriend me, it was the single women that gathered around. But when my husband joined the church, I kept those single friends, but didn’t look for new single friends. I was part of a “couple” and that’s largely how we socialized.

As of 2004, 49.8% of “Heads of Households” in the United States are single adults. That’s a lot of single people.

Does your church look like the population, reflecting that fact that roughly 1/3 of adults in the United States are single? If not, why not?

I had some interesting experiences as a widow. Because of my age (only 2% of the US population consists of widows between 34 and 55), my experiences are different than most widows. In a lot of ways, I have more in common with divorced women my age than I do widows of all ages - who are mostly older)

By and large - married women treat single women as “outsiders”. Face it, we’re not part of the club. Some of the excuses:

THE WOMEN SAY:
We have different challenges. I would answer that when my daughter wants to go out with a young man that I don’t approve of, the challenges are very much the same - only I don’t have a husband to stand beside me to provide an example of what a Godly man should be like.

We’re in different social circles” I would answer with a question: Why? As a woman, I love gardening, animals, reading, cross stitch, walking. I love to go out for coffee and just chat. I have teenage children. Socially, you might get along really well with me, if you can get over the fact that I’m not married.

I’ve read “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend. It’s all about putting up good boundaries and it could be dangerous if I include a single woman in my life” I would answer that going out for coffee with a single woman is not going to endanger your marriage unless your marriage is so fragile to start with that life as a single starts looking more attractive than your own life. This would not be the fault of the single woman.

I don’t want to take the risk of my husband getting to know a single woman I would answer that most single women will assure you that we promise not to jump your husband in the sound booth at church. Seriously. (Yes, I had this experience. A gentleman was teaching me to run the power point from the sound booth. His wife was in the choir loft and when she saw me talking to her husband she made a beeline for the sound booth, put her arm around her husband and didn’t let go until I left.)

My family is busy. Okay, you have a home and teenagers. So do I. We’re both busy. Some are busier than others. I’ll make time for a woman-to-woman relationship if you will.

THE MEN (in terms of helping single parents) SAY:
My wife wouldn’t like it. I would answer with a question: who rules your home? The man or the dragon? (This is a reference to Mark Driscoll, who I have heard a couple of time explain that there are two options - either the man runs the home in a Godly way, or the devil rules it in an ungodly way.)

I SAY:
There are a lot of things that would help single people - and single parents in particular.

- recognize that we’re part of the family. For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (New American Standard Version Romans 12:4-5)

- Help us out. Help can take many forms - even just a cup of coffee. Offer to include a single parent on a picnic. Better yet, a husband can include a fatherless child (and I’m including the children of some divorced moms) on a father/child outing with your church. Many single moms cannot afford a family outing to a baseball game - take an extra child.

- We’re have gifts. And they don’t just include being in the nursery during an even for couples. Make a real and purposeful effort to include singles in church planning (women’s events, men’s events, picnics, etc.)

- We hurt. Just like you do, only for different reasons. Please don’t make being excluded one of those reasons.

- We don’t necessarily want a “Singles Group” that is a church within a church. Many times, that just feels safer. Please help us feel safe.

We (like all people) recognize that it’s not what a person says, it’s what they do.

A single person can say all day long that they want to be included - but if they don’t make themselves open to inclusion, all of their talk won’t do any good.

Likewise, a married person can say all day long that they would include a single in their group - but if they walk by with a nod and a smile, all of their talk won’t do any good.

It’s not what you say, it’s what you do: “But what do you think? A man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, ‘Son, go work today in the vineyard.’ And he answered, ‘I will not’; but afterward he regretted it and went. The man came to the second son and said the same thing; and he answered ‘I will, sir’; but he did not go. Which of the two did the will of the Father?” They said, “The first.” (ESV; Matthew 21:28-310)

How do you treat people who are different than you are? This includes single, married, white, black, whatever, impaired, “normal” (if there is such a thing).

How do you show Christ to those who are different?

This book would be very helpful for Christian families who are in a Reformed tradition - and even for Christian families who are not in a Reformed tradition, but have an open mind.

There is a bit of “Arminianism vs. Calvinism” in that the suggestion in put forth that Arminians cannot contemplate “infant faith” since for them faith is of human origins and there needs to be at least some human reasoning ability. Calvinists, on the other hand, believing that faith is a gift from God and thus there is no human ability to reason required.

I understand that faith is not the same as trust, but there are verses that seem to say that a Covenant child (child of the promise) can have faith from a very early age.

Psalm 22: 9-10
Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother’s breast.

From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

Psalm 71:5-6
For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.

From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise you.

Psalm 8:2
From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.

Jesus used this last quote in Matthew 21 when He cleared the temple
(has this every clicked for any of you, it sure didn’t me!)
¹⁴The blind and the lame came to him at the temple,
and he healed them.
¹⁵But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the
wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple
area, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant.

¹⁶“Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him.
“Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read,
” ‘From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise’?”

Can those who do not have faith, truly praise God?

Here are some conclusions/questions…

The author concludes that babies of covenant families are given faith by God. He is “happily agnostic” when it comes to the salvation of babies that die in unbeliving families.

so…
If we are saved by faith, it would follow that babies have some sort of faith. If they do not have faith, then how are they saved?

If babies have faith, but can fall away, what does that do for perseverence?

I’m fairly new to Reformed theology and I know that baptism does not save. However, Lusk seems to say that baptism is more than a symbol, it is more like the (my words) door through which salvation comes.

How does one relate baptism to salvation?

If baptism is a symbol, and not a vehicle, why baptize infants before they understand the symbolism?

Here is a tough one. I spent years outside the church. Looking back, I can pinpoint a moment when my relationship with God became very real. Given it is possible that is the moment I “got saved” - are the babies that I lost before that moment saved or lost?