MzEllen & Co.

Five years ago this day I wrote that dying should not cause this much paperwork. There was a lot of it! But it was all done and all done correctly.

I have only very good things to say about the hospice organization that we worked with - they were wonderful. Five years ago today, the visiting nurse told us that the physical signs said that things were really winding down - Art was taking sips of water, he wasn’t able to roll over by himself and he was hallucinating quite a bit. He had very awake moments and that was good.

“Last night” (five years ago) Art had a dream - he dream somebody was trying to take him away. He said that it wasn’t bad, or scary, but it did wake him up.

“Yesterday” (five years ago), one of my best friends (we have since lost touch) came over with a photo album. She had been raped when she was 12 and had a son when she was 13; she had given him up for adoption and had never heard anything. What wonderful news! He had found her and they had met - everybody had met. My friend, her husband - her son and his wife - and his adoptive parents. For all those years - over 40 of them - her son’s parents had kept two identical photo albums; one for them and one for “bio-mom”, should he find her. So my friend has photos of her son from the time that he was placed for adoption - birthdays, Christmases, proms, his wedding.

“Last Saturday” (five years ago), Art decided he wanted to go to the mall. We had a wheelchair from hospice, so off we went. We went to the NASCAR store and bought Art a Johnny Benson cap and we went to the bookstore - they were hosting a group of greyhounds from “Greyhound Rescue”. They must have sensed something because the dogs surrounded Art and put their heads in his lap.

We knew that things were close, the nurse had said maybe a couple of days. But we were ready - we thought.

Friday night Manda and I went to see X-men 3…and we’re going again (this time with Tom).

Right now, a little bit of “oh my goodness, we ran out of that!” shopping…

Manda got a haircut yesterday; a friend told me that I’m going to need a bigger shotgun…

I’m so glad that 7-11 has diet Pepsi slurpies!

There’s a bit of “garbage” going on at my house
1) one bit involves my son and his college grades
2) the other involves my daughter’s best friend

Both involve very teachable moments - some of it is sinking in, some of it doesn’t appear to be.

But I covet your prayers…

There is a park near my home, with a trail through a woods…

It’s a city park and very nicely maintained.

There are some beautiful things along the trail…

(using my new camera)

There is also a boardwalk through a wetl ands area, with more of God’s beauty.

See the next post about what the “consequences” are…

After the rain…

This is part of the boardwalk…

This is where I realize I’m going to get wet…

;-)

Read part one
Read part two
Read part three
Read part four
Read Part five
Read Part six
Read Part seven

We’re getting toward the end here.

Five years ago today, Art told me that for the first time he felt like he could just go to sleep and not wake up - and he told me that was okay.

Because of a bowel obstruction, Art couldn’t eat anything or drink much. He was getting so weak that he had muscle spasms from trying to hold his head up.

Art had been doing counted cross stitch for years and he had been working on a huge project for our daughter and it dawned on him, this day five years ago, that he wouldn’t be finishing it. He was spending time reading his Bible and listening to music. The pastor had visited and they had planned a funeral.

We had our first visit from hospice. There was a tiny bottle of medicine and we were told exactly how little would do what - and then we were told that the nurse that would come after he died would take the bottle and dump it - and never look at how much (or how little) was left.

We live in the city where a minor league hockey team plays and the general manager was a member at our church. He stopped by and dropped off an envelope and said that he didn’t know what else he could do - so he gave us tickets to a finals game of the playoffs. We had a couple that we were close to who were huge hockey fans and they took the kids. It was things like this that really touched us.

But five years ago right now, we were in “waiting mode”

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As I read through the Bible, I’m sometimes puzzled (yet comforted) at how imperfect the people are that God chooses (or even creates) to use.

Tonight, I read the story of Samson.

An angel of God came to a barren woman and told her that she was going to conceive a son - she should abstain from alcohol and all fermented beverages and that her son would be a Nazirite.

(This means that God planned ahead for this very imperfect man to be born so that God could use him to begin the deliverance of the Israelites from the Philistines.)

The Nazirite vows included prohibitions against
- touching dead bodies,
- cutting one’s hair,
- consuming grapes in any form (including grapes, raisins, vinegar and wine); this does not include drinking strong drink that does not come from grapes - vodka is ok.
- following the rest of the Jewish Law

So, how did Samson do with all of this?

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my daughter wrote this…

Perfect Love

If your love is so perfect
Then why do you care for me so
If your power is so mighty
Then why are you so merciful
If you are the creator of everything
I am a gem
In a sea of stones
Because you made me so
Oh Lord you are powerful
You are beyond my
Beyond my farthest grasp
You are my loving God
If you are the greatest of great
What did it take to make me?
If you are so Awesome
Then I am blessed with your love
If you made me with love in your mind
Then I am a daughter of the King
>I am a gem
In a sea of stones
Because you made me so
Oh Lord you are powerful
You are beyond my
Beyond my farthest grasp
You are my loving God
If you are ancient beyond all days
Then I am but a spec in time
If you are the truth of all truths
Then forever with you I will live
If you are the beginning and the end
I thank you for all that is to come
I am a gem
In a sea of stones
Because you made me so
Oh Lord you are powerful
You are beyond my
Beyond my farthest grasp
You are my loving God
If you truly are my Father and King
You are the one without sin
If you are the only one for me
I give all that I am to you
If your love is so perfect
Then i will never be enough yet …
I am a gem
In a sea of stones
Because you made me so
Oh Lord you are powerful
You are beyond my
Beyond my farthest grasp
You are my loving God

As “luck” would have it, there are a couple of threads about baptism today.

Five years ago today (it was the 13, but it was also Mother’s Day), my daughter was baptized (credo-immersion-style).

“Wednesday” (five years ago), we were told that my husband had some sort of bowel obstruction with some other changes in the CT scan. “Yesterday (five years ago), his surgeon that did his “big surgery” stopped by to visit and read the Bible with us. We told him that Manda was going to be baptized in June and he said that he had seen the scan and that we should move up the baptism. A LOT…I could say more, but I think that “all over the place” is all I need to say.

It was short notice for our families, who are all out-of-town. But they all came to Manda’s baptism. My dad (still recovering from heart surgery) was even able to make it.

She knew what baptism meant and why Christians should be baptized - but her first reason was that she wanted to be baptized while her dad was still alive.

It was a good family time and everything was very positive. Art’s sister, Deb had told me that she was afraid that Art was putting on a “good face” when he talked to her. But after that night, and seeing Manda baptized, she told me that she knew that he was at peace - the peace was almost physical.

I remember the night, but not well. I remember the closeness of the family - blood family and church family. I remember my daughter’s wet, shining face.

That was a very good night.

Read part one
Read part two
Read part three
Read part four
Read Part five
Read Part six

I’ve taken three sick days (most of them asleep), but yesterday I did meet with a man a the “Christian Reformed Church in North America” headquarters (that’s about 10 miles from my house).

(something else that just happened…I got an email from my old church, next week on Wednesday night there’s going to be a guest speaker who is involved in a “prayer and healing ministry” - only I can’t find him anywhere on line and the person in charge of scheduling him told me that she’s not aware of any affiliation, he’s “just a humble man who goes around…” “Healing ministry…” right.

Anyway, the man at CRC said that he’s aware of the “problem” at my old church and explained the government structure of the CRC. It’s somewhat congregational, which means that everything gets started at the church level. If the conflict is not settled there, it goes to the classis level and from there to (I don’t remember just where).

The problem is that most people would rather just leave than endure conflict.

Iron sharpens iron and avoiding conflict is avoiding being sharpened.

I have two choices. I can just leave - either the church or the denomination. That would be easiest and would create less conflict for my kids - who are still attending youth and college age events.

Or I can stay and duke it out. This makes a huge target out of my behind. Right now I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and that’s a problem. I need to be somewhere where I can fit and where I can work and where I can trust.

There’s another option (background: the gentleman I talked to yesterday said that he had spoken of this issue with another pastor just Wednesday night - and that pastor is at a church about 4 blocks from my house).

I can attend another CRC and be under the authority of a CRC pastor while I take the steps that are needed at the church level of my old church. The first step is a letter to the board of elders and I will feel much more confident if I have the support and advice of a pastor.

I found out some things yesterday that I could vent about, but won’t…at least just yet.