Full quiver?

I have to admit, I'm way too sensitive and way too passionate on this one. But it hurts to be told that you don't trust God because of your beliefs in this area.

Let me share a little of my history. When I was first married, I had my first miscarriage at around age 21. And then another - and then I stopped ovulating. At 23 I started fertility treatments (didn't trust God with my fertility, after all, it is God who opens and shuts the womb).

Every single month - my body betrayed me.

At 26 I conceived twins. I had an ultrasound that showed 2 heartbeats, 2 forms. Blood tests showed that my progesterone level was dangerously low (that level would not have kept me from having contractions and miscarriage) so I had hormone injections (another case of not trusting God with my female parts) to bring that level up...then I had a little bit of bleeding and then were was one. at 18 1/2 weeks I started bleeding and had another ultrasound - and then there were none.

After that, tests showed that I had cysts on both ovaries, one didn't work at all and on the opposite side the fallopian tube was blocked with scars (remember, it's God that shuts the womb). I had a "procedure" that hopefully opened the tube enough to work.

More cycles and more drugs later, I conceived another set of twins. More progesterone, more ultrasounds. At about 10 weeks, the first twin died, but the second one hung on. I had gestational diabetes, eclampsia, stomach bleeding from heartburn. I was sick all the time (gained a total of 4 pounds). At 32 weeks went into labor and (after 11 hours of labor) had a C-section. My son weighed in at 3lb.13oz.

After that, I had exactly 1 cycle the first year. I took birth control pills for three months (along with a barrier method), hoping to shock my system into thinking it was at least somewhat normal.

But no...after another three months my doctor prescribed provera (5 pills, etc.). This is where I can testify before God that if you ask Him for wisdom and guidance - yes, even in the reproductive area, He will guide you. We prayed and felt that (although I had the pills in my hand) that I wasn't supposed to take them. Instead, I asked for a pregnancy test. Bingo.

It was actually the birth control pills that (the month after I quit taking them) had my system in enough of a groove that I ovulated. The preganancy was a little worse than the first one...but Amanda was born at 37 weeks.

After that - I made everybody a little nuts, wondering every month. My husband was 10 years older than I and he remembered his father (who had children later in life) and, for reasons of his own, didn't want more children. We prayed and God led us to choose sterilization. Yes, I believe that God knew what was coming and led us to that decision (ask for wisdom). It gave me peace of mind - no more battles with my body (at least in that arena, othe battles go on).

My kids are 18 and 16 now and my husband is gone (really gone). I don't regret any of the choices that were made.

I trusted God to help me make the right choice when I bought my house, my car, when I got my job and when I had my children.

If God were to drop another child (or 4) into my lap, I'd be thrilled. But as it stands right now, these 2 will be my "onlies". And you know what? That's ok.

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6 thoughts on “Full quiver?

  1. Anonymous

    Read the above carefully. Your dh did not want more children so you prayed and...walla, God led you to sterilization. Doesn't the order of these events seem a little....unscriptural to you?
    Nowhere in the Bible does God even hint of someone doing such a terrible thing to their bodies. I believe you were going on what the two of you decided was best under your circumstances and according to you, not what God actually told you.
    When you claim to hear from God, what you hear MUST be based on all of scripture.
    I know it hurts to be told you don't trust God, or didn't in that circumstance but if you truly think about it, you didn't. Your dh's feelings about his age dictated your decision. Plain and simple.

  2. "anonymous", it all depends on whether or not you buy into the whole "full quiver" thing, which I don't.

    That means I don't have to buy into your condemnation.

    Consider this. It is possible that God knew ahead of time that He would also be taking my husband's life, leaving me a widow, with fatherless children, and guided our feelings and choices (right up to my husband's age and the concern of age) in order to have us make His choice.

    I trust God's ability to guide me - do you?

  3. I know it hurts to be told you don't trust God, or didn't in that circumstance but if you truly think about it, you didn't

    You know - malarkey. If you knew all of the circumstances, you'd have a foot to stand on. You don't, so you don't.

    The bottom line is that I trust God to give me wisdom in all areas of my life. You don't.

    I trust God to guide me in stewardship in everything. You don't.

  4. Oh...full quiver is the theology built around the verse from Psalms (I was wrong, I thought is was Solomon) - children are a blessing from God and happy is the man who has his quiver full.

    Birth control of any kind (including natural family planning) is a sin. The object is to have as many babies as God gives you.

    The idea of planning or stewardship of health or finances simply doesn't enter into it.

    If you have anything to do with your reproductive life (other than making them and popping them out), you don't trust God. For many, even seeking fertility treatment (of any kind) is outside the will of God.

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