If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'
Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is In her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire...
No further studies are expected.
Work starts Thursday...and I'm thinking of my co-workers, not the students.
- "Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
- "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
- "He would argue with a signpost." (OK, this one's a student)
- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." (OK, this one's me...it sounds like one I may have to use)
- "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." (and I'm thinking of one person in particular)
(Or...let's play "which of these items doesn't belong?")
I was cruising around Amazon.com...checking out the radioactive uranium samples.(Thank you Tom McMahon)
What is weird (other than Amazon carrying radioactive uranium ore) is the part that says,
First off: we have a land cruiser for only $19,999.95