Things go in cycles and there is a lot of buzz about "porn" right now.
On this blog, I'm going to change the term. No longer will "it" be called "porn" - I'm going to start using the term:
"sexually explicit material"
How many people really watch soaps for the plot?
How many women really like trashy novels for the accurate history and realistic view of life?
There is a HUGE double standard. When women use sexually explicit material, it can be okay because...well, it's not "porn" and women are...different.
Sorry, but let's just be real.
Men are visual, women are less so. Some research seems to say that we're just wired that way.
If men are thinking about what they're seeing and women are thinking about what there thinking and either way, they're getting physical OR mental sexual stimulation from what they are looking at OR reading, the end result is the same.
People are going somewhere other than their spouse for two-dimensional (whether it's computer screen, TV screen, magazine or book) sexual thought patterns.
Milly
Okay on some levels you are right, if I am tacking Tom Selleck in my head when I’m having sex with my husband I’m doing the same thing that my husband was doing when he was looking a porn then tackling me.
The missing link to this is that porn is far worse. Porn is a spawn from the sin of drugs, incest, and rape. Many women turn to porn because they have these issues. Let’s not forget the daddy issues that they have. The STDs are nice and some of those men start looking for other women because the wife isn’t doing it right. No way can she do it right because the women they are watching aren’t real. I know this for sure. And you can say well if the wives had only . . . well some of us tried and always seemed to fall short. I have an opinion on this because my ex was into porn. I tried to keep it out of the house but the damage was done because he had been exposed before we met.
A woman reading a romance novel isn’t giving the money to those issues.
To defend that kind of life is wrong.
MzEllen
here's the problem - i was on both sides of it. I had a husband who was into porn...and I read those novels.
(by the way - the amount of "amateur" porn out there is stunning. Normal women who put their photos out there for fun - no drugs or STDs around.
. No way can she do it right because the women they are watching aren’t real.
Here's the thing...I'm not going to link to it...for obvious reasons. But on a major porn website, the TOP search result was for amateur (18.8%) topping teen (13.5) and WAY higher than the 3rd result - "hard core" at 4.9%
By far, what men are looking for is real women.
oh...my husband felt the same way about the novels I read. I work 40-45 hours a week - I don't have the energy to sweep you off your feet.
A woman reading a romance novel isn’t giving the money to those issues.
No, she's giving it to the publishers and authors to write even more of them.
To defend that kind of life is wrong.
I have never defended it.
It is also wrong to defend women who have their own style of sexually explicit material.
Milly
In no way was I defending those women.
I know that “amateur” porn is on the rise with computers in almost every home. I find it very sad. It shows that we as a society have issues.
I found that porn was a joke to watch and it made me laugh. I find those books to be lacking and have always wanted more substance. I do think that one of the big issues is that men and women are very different. Men are visual and they are fixers, they want to get it done while we women are nurtures, we want to be held and swept off our feet. We like to hold hands when we walk through the park. .. . well. . .. You know how we are. But porn has greater implications in harming a marriage. Sure I do think that a woman can kill a marriage with stupid unreal expectations. You say that the amateur porn is real but it isn’t, take a real look at it. Unfortunately I have seen it, long story, but I couldn’t stop laughing and was repulsed at the same time. It ain’t pretty. It isn’t real. They are putting on a show just as the professionals.
I think that we are on the same page for the most part. I know that you can wreck you marriage with just about anything if it is put in front of a spouse.
Milly
Exposure to porn is harmful. I have no doubt that it was the reason one of my neighbor boys tried what he did was because his father kept porn in the house.
Men who come out about being porn addicts share the guilt and shame. Some of them have wrecked their marriages and careers. After the exposure to porn the mind begins to think about what they have done and the crash is a hard one. And as we know once you eaten a chocolate and you want another no matter how much you disliked yourself for it. Once our hand finds the candy dish we are stuck.
Here’s to us ladies seeing the real men for who they are and making romance what it should be, real and here’s to us keeping porn out of our guys minds. (I know that women get hooked too)
Blessings
Milly