I've taken three sick days (most of them asleep), but yesterday I did meet with a man a the "Christian Reformed Church in North America" headquarters (that's about 10 miles from my house).

(something else that just happened...I got an email from my old church, next week on Wednesday night there's going to be a guest speaker who is involved in a "prayer and healing ministry" - only I can't find him anywhere on line and the person in charge of scheduling him told me that she's not aware of any affiliation, he's "just a humble man who goes around..." "Healing ministry..." right.

Anyway, the man at CRC said that he's aware of the "problem" at my old church and explained the government structure of the CRC. It's somewhat congregational, which means that everything gets started at the church level. If the conflict is not settled there, it goes to the classis level and from there to (I don't remember just where).

The problem is that most people would rather just leave than endure conflict.

Iron sharpens iron and avoiding conflict is avoiding being sharpened.

I have two choices. I can just leave - either the church or the denomination. That would be easiest and would create less conflict for my kids - who are still attending youth and college age events.

Or I can stay and duke it out. This makes a huge target out of my behind. Right now I feel like I don't belong anywhere and that's a problem. I need to be somewhere where I can fit and where I can work and where I can trust.

There's another option (background: the gentleman I talked to yesterday said that he had spoken of this issue with another pastor just Wednesday night - and that pastor is at a church about 4 blocks from my house).

I can attend another CRC and be under the authority of a CRC pastor while I take the steps that are needed at the church level of my old church. The first step is a letter to the board of elders and I will feel much more confident if I have the support and advice of a pastor.

I found out some things yesterday that I could vent about, but won't...at least just yet.