Tag Archives: family

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Robert & Julia Brown
I read your post today about your grandma - you are very fortunate.

I loved my grandma very dearly - but there was pain in her life that was evident until she died.  She had given birth to 9 (maybe 10) babies...5 of them lived to be adults.

My grandma and grandpa were married in 1919.  Grandma was 23 and Grandpa was 26.  I had thought they were younger than that.

I've written about a possible first child, Leila.    If there was a Leila, she would have been born in 1919 and died very young.

  • Jordan was born September 6, 1920 and died February 5, 1921...5 months old.
  • Lydia was born July 5, 1923 and died August 29, 1929...age 6
  • Robert was born January 17, 1922 and died September 30, 1923...age 1 year, 9 1/2 months.
  • Marian Ellen was born April 7, 1925 and lived to adulthood, but died before her parents in 1970.
  • Joyce was born January 17, 1927 and lived to adulthood.
  • Pat (Helen Patricia) was born May 26, 1932 and is still alive.
  • Marilla was born January 24, 1934 and died April 4...1935.

My Aunt Joyce once told my cousin that she never felt loved by her mother.  I'm sure that my grandmother was emotionally drained by that time...and lost yet another baby when Aunt Joyce was only 7.  Did Grandma fear (did she brace herself emotionally by being distant) losing her baby Joyce?

  • My dad, Thomas, was born a year after Marilla and missed sharing her birthday by a day...January 25, 1934.
  • My Aunt Roberta was born  August 12, 1937 and is also still alive.

Her first 3 (maybe 4) babied died and she lost another when she still had three children under 10 to take care of.
How would I - or many women living in the medically modern world today - have handled this grief?  Would I have done any better than Grandma?

The look on her face in the photo...this was the typical Grandma look.  If she smiled ever...I think it was seldom.  It's the same look she had in my parents' wedding photo.

The more I see life, the more I understand how important it is to draw into God in grief.

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I spent a while with my parents this weekend and my dad talked a lot about history. Times have changed and we forget how fortunate we are to live in a part of the world where life is taken for granted.

These are the graves of four of my aunts and uncles that died as babies (or young children). The first born died in 1921....(maybe). My grandmother and grandfather lost their first four (maybe five) babies. My dad told me yesterday that somebody in the family has my grandpa's Bible. The page where they recorded deaths is there, but the birth page is torn out. Just gone.

We had some very nice talks...about the past, relatives, time.

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The "quiz" in the "Take a Step Forward" link. These are questions that appear to indicate "privilege". I would not have stepped far, but I answered the questions fairly and honestly. The memories they brought made me smile...although I am NOT privileged by their definition. (oh...and the questions are for "when you were in college" - which is now, so I just went back to my childhood...)

NOTE: As I look at some of these things that make a person "privileged", they enable a person to become isolated from family...your own room, a TV in your own room, a telephone in your own room...

The importance placed on "STUFF"...not one of these questions asked about "did your mom/dad/family LOVE you?" What privilege are we looking for? God's or man's?

(WAY MORE BELOW:) ...continue reading →

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John Piper's son, Abraham and his wife, Molly lost their baby, Felicity.

In the hopes that you will pray for us, I’ll give you the news about Abraham’s daughter. Abraham is my son who serves as the Web Content Manager for Desiring God. He and Molly were expecting their second child on Sunday, September 23. Molly was big and healthy. Everyone was happy and excited about Orison’s little sister.

There had been no movement since Thursday. Molly had read this was nothing unusual, but the doctor said she could come for a check-up if she wished. Saturday morning (September 22) they went to Hennepin County Medical Center. No heart beat. Ultrasound confirms: the baby is dead

Please join in prayer for this family.

My friend, Phil asked me to look at the Scripture references that Piper cited and asked (since I also lost a child in this way - but earlier) if he did and said the right thing.

In situations like this, who you are talking to could change how you approach them. I can only assume that since Piper is "dad" to this couple, he knows them well enough to know what it is that they will need at this time. I would comfort a strong believing couple differently than I would new believers and I'd comfort believers differently than unbelievers.

In this case, I believe that believing couples can find comfort in all of these passages,, although there are certainly better passages to use than the 2 Samuel passage - I would most likely NOT have used that (not criticizing - John Piper is a man who is grieving and doing the best that he can).

2 Samuel 12:15-23 - this is the passages that tells us about when David lost his son. He fasted and prayed until the child was dead, and then he got up and ate. The reason that I would not have used this passage is that I believe the message is not that "life will go on", but rather that the child was taken as punishment from God. David had hoped to bring God's mercy by fasting and praying, but when the child died, David took the punishment as righteous.

If a person has done nothing wrong, there is no reason to add guilt; but if they have, this passage gives hope of seeing them again.

John 9:1-3 - This is a good passage - a reminder that we live in a lost and dying world - all of our existence is intended to bring glory to God and that (although sometimes these things can be traced back to our actions) many times there is nothing we could have done (or not done) to change the outcome. The thought that it is "not our fault" can be very comforting.

1 Corinthians 15:58 - Keep on keeping on - our labor is not in vain. I understand this, but...

These are passages that I would use, and have used:

Isaiah 53: 3-4
He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.

Christ knows what grief is about - and if we put our burdens onto Him, He will help us to bear them.

John 11:35

Jesus wept.

The shortest verse in the Bible - and for me, one of the most meaningful. Lazarus was dead and his sisters were grieving. Jesus knew that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, and yet He wept.

Why? Because His friends were hurting. In the same way, He sees our grief and pain - and weeps along with us.

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Know - KNOW that you have an entire church family who is ready to stand with you, shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart and weep with you.

Know this. My prayers are with you.

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My Family’s (non)Traditions

Over the last five years I’ve decided that if a tradition isn’t working – pick a new one!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are the two holidays that my family “struggles” with traditions – meaning that in the past there has been a tension between what the tradition “should” be and what really works for us.

I’ve come to the conclusion that family traditions are extremely important – and you need to make your traditions yours. Adopting somebody else’s just isn’t the same.

The first year after my husband passed away, we decided that we really didn’t want to spend Christmas at home. Too many memories. So, we spent the holiday with my mom and dad in Florida. It was very nice (and warm). But it wasn’t home. It was my kids’ first Christmas “without Dad”, they didn’t need to escape – they needed Christmas at home. We have spent Christmas at home every year since – but it hasn’t looked the way that it did.

The next Thanksgiving (the second one without Dad) was the big change in tradition. For years, we had gone to my brother’s home for Thanksgiving Day and I planned on that again. Just a few days before the holiday, I called to find out what I could bring. After a couple of stalls, I was told that everybody was spending this Thanksgiving with their in-laws. Golly – that stung.

I felt totally alone – I didn’t have in-laws to spend the holiday with. So, I made an “executive decision” to just stay home. A dear friend put it this way: I could either decided to make do with what was left of my family – or we could go on because this is our family. The first Thanksgiving I did the whole big dinner thing – for 3 of us. Oh, there was so much food! And in the afternoon (NO football at my house) we rented movies and had a marathon. It was right before the third LOTR came out and I had not seen the first 2 – so on Thanksgiving Day we got me caught up.

Every year since, we have turned down invitations – Thanksgiving is a family time. Our family time. This year, we did spend it with my sister-in-laws. But the rule was – we had to have a movie marathon. It really works for us and (at this point) we have no intention of changing it.

This year, for Christmas, we don’t have a tree up yet (it’s in the basement, in a box). We all have final exams for college next week, I should be (at this moment) working on that research paper.

The new tradition is friends and fun. My kids have friends in families that don’t seem to “get it”. Last year, three teenagers left their families before noon on Christmas Day to come to our house. One of them had been removed from his home and placed with his sister. His birthday is Christmas Day – and they forgot. This boy turned 16 on Christmas Day and came to my house. He cried when I made a birthday cake.

Don’t get me wrong – glitz and ribbon and ornaments and stars and all that “stuff” is nice. This year I went to the mall for that.

It’s the people that should be the outstanding tradition.

Since I’ve been a widow, I’ve had lonely times around the holidays. Most single folks do.

But I’ve also seen that there are people – in my life, kids – that are a lot worse off.

Christmas this year? Church service in the morning, and then I expect some extra teenagers for movies, video games and frozen pizza.

It’s the people.

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We just got back from a weekend in Chicago (Tom and I went to pick up Manda after she enjoyed a vacation with her aunts). We went to the Museum of Science and Industry and went through an interesting exhibit (you'll either be appalled or fascinated).

This exhibit shows real human bodies that have been "plastinized", or permeated with plastic. All of the people knew exactly what science their bodies were going to be used for.

This gave me a very real look at the wonder of the human body and how it works, as well as the damage that we can do to it. Yes, you do get to see the lungs of a smoker... Manda didn't make it all the way through - she hurried around and met us on the other end.

We're all home, safe and sound - getting ready for Greek tonight.