Tag Archives: Humor

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If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is In her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire...

No further studies are expected.

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Work starts Thursday...and I'm thinking of my co-workers, not the students.

  • "Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
  • "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
  • "He would argue with a signpost." (OK, this one's a student)
  • "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." (OK, this one's me...it sounds like one I may have to use)
  • "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." (and I'm thinking of one person in particular)

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(Or...let's play "which of these items doesn't belong?")

I was cruising around Amazon.com...checking out the radioactive uranium samples.(Thank you Tom McMahon)
What is weird (other than Amazon carrying radioactive uranium ore) is the part that says,

"Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed..."

First off: we have a land cruiser for only $19,999.95

...continue reading →