my mind doesn't often remember things from this time - but today it did.

This post isn't about the time, or what happened or the relationship with my husband.

This post is about my relationship with my dad. There are times when words just don't say what you need to say and Dad and I are like that a lot.

It was the drive past the cemetary that triggered these memories. I drive past this cemetary almost daily, but today I took a different road and it went along a side of the cemetary that I don't usually see. It was the "new part", with the empty space - the unused plots.

Five years ago my husband was dying and my dad didn't know what to say. What can you say?

What he did was hand me an envelope. In the envelope were the deeds to a cemetary lot (well, half a lot, which is two plots). It's half of the lot where my mom and dad will be buried. This is a very small cemetary and there is no space left in the "old part", where my grandparents, two of my great-grandparents - let's just say lots of relatives.

I have a cousin who had been wanting to buy these plots; we're a close family and she wanted to plan to be buried next to Grandma.

What my dad did I think bothered her. But it also sent a message:

I may live far away, I may not be planning on moving back. But I'm family - and my dad was doing what he could to take care of me.

The cemetary plots were his way of telling me that he loved me and wanted to take care of me

Rewind to 1987

Some things are just hard to say - you can say them, but sometimes words just aren't enough.

My son was born, early and tiny - he was in NICU. My mom and dad drove 170 miles every day until I was out of the hospital (they bent the rules for moms with babies who had to stay so I was there a couple of days longer than I had to be). They were both still working full time, so it wasn't easy on them. But they did it.

I told my dad, "The only way that I can truly tell you how I feel about you is to name my son after you."

I still don't have the words that can adequately express - but hopefully every time my dad thinks about my son...he knows.

This week's Carnival of Beauty is "The Beauty of Order". I have to look to the Lord for order, since I tend to have not very much of it on my own.

Our God is a God of order.

And our God has a plan. Sometimes part of the plan is for us not to be in on the plan.

I've been reading in the Old Testament and have been struck by how specific the Lord was when He gave directions and how He ordered (organized) His people. In Numbers, instructions were given to Moses...The glory of the LORD was connected with cloud (remember, pillar of fire by night, cloud by day)

A couple of books later, in Numbers:
On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the LORD's command the Israelites set out, and at His command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD's order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD's command they would encamp, and then at His command they would set out. Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. At the LORD's command they encamped, and at the LORD's command they set out. They obeyed the LORD's order, in accordance with his command through Moses.

What an example of the LORD's leading! Not that the Israelites were a prime example of trust - in fact I remember describing them as "whiners". But in this, they simply waited and didn't move until the LORD told them to.

What a hard lesson to learn - wait and obey.

Earlier in the Bible, it tells about organization in travel. I'm not going to do all the "cutting and pasting", but if you want to see how specific it was, read here.

Our God is a God of order.

It is a hard lesson to learn - God has a plan and part of His plan is to not let us in on it. Order our lives; wait and obey is a factor in everything.