Author Archives: MzEllen

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I write from a complementarian perspective, that is the view that I believe most conforms to Biblical teaching.

So, I can easily tell you that the solution to spousal abuse is not to eradicate or even discourage Godly men from leading their families in Godly ways.

First, we can look at preventing it. Well, perhaps first we have to define it.

The U.S. Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) defines domestic violence as a "pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner."

Okay...let's define "abusive behavior". Here is a rather extensive list of behaviors that may (or may not be, depending on the couple) abusive.

The only one that I have any issue with in general is "pressures you to have sex". In normal circumstances, this is covered in Scripture, we are not to deny our partner. NOTE: IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES. If a wife denies her husband because she thinks sex is "icky" and they haven't had sex in months, it's time for her to grow up and realize that she is a grown up with a husband who has grown up desires for his wife.

If we can accept this list as pretty inclusive, we can move on to preventing it.

It's more than "don't do this list of stuff." It's a good list, but following lists merely leads to legalism.

"If I don't do the things on this list, I'm a good husband." No. No.

What we need to do is to What Godly men need to do is to teach young men growing up and older men who need to be taught HOW to be Godly leaders in their home.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Eph 5:25-28 - ESV)

This is sacrificial love, a love that leads a man to put the needs of his bride before his own. A love that would allow a man to lay down his life for the love of his life.

The word "sanctify" is used - is it inappropriate to use that word in context of husband and wife? Consider the second definition (per Strong's)

2) to separate from profane things and dedicate to God

a) consecrate things to God

b) dedicate people to God

Imagine a marriage where a man is taught that in order to love his wife in a Godly way, he is to be ready to die for her; he is to be ready to give himself up for her. He needs to keep his bride away from profane things, protect her, dedicate her (and their marriage) to God.What would such sanctification look like? He would bathe her in Scripture, lead her in righteousness. LEAD her, not send her.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Col 3:19 - ESV)

The KJV says, "be not bitter against". One of the meanings (per Strong's) says "- the word for bitter means: to visit with bitterness, to grieve (deal bitterly with)

What if (in term of how a husband can love his wife) this is understood to be "do not grieve your wife, do not deal bitterly with her". What would that look like?

What is love?

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

>Love never ends(1 Cor. 11:4-8 - ESV)

If this is the standard of "love", if men are taught that this is the standard by which to treat their wives, this would be a huge step in preventing abuse. How can you be abusive toward another person that you are striving to love with love such as this?

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 - ESV)

My friend did a study on this (perhaps we'll hear in the comments)...I am asked, "have I bestowed preciousness?" Do I feel as though I am honored as a co-heir?

Men should pay careful attention - if they do not live with understanding, if they do not show honor as co-heirs in Christ - their prayers will be hindered.

If that consequence does not make men who claim to be Christians sit up and pay attention...well, it should.

I believe that if men were taught (and held to this teaching) that to be in a marriage meant the commitment to love with this kind of love, many, many marriages would look a lot differently than they do; you cannot be abusive while loving with this kind of love.

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I'm heading to Starbuck's nearly every day this month.  You see, they're giving away a free song (different song) every day on iTunes.  What this has done is expose me to artists that I would not have known or tried otherwise.

  • Raul Midon
  • Lisa Kelly "Now We Are Free" - I really like this one!
  • Spanish Harlem Orchestra (the album is "Together We Swing", the song is Sacalar Bailar- another good one!)
  • Sonya Kitchell - the song, "I'm in Love With You"

And a few others.  The store I go to keeps the cards from the day before so I only have to stop every other day, but I've enjoyed this opportunity to try music that is new to me.

Also, Amazon.com has their new MP3 downloads store that gives away a different song every week and iTunes store has a new song every week for free (AND, if you want to there is also an iTunes Latino that gives away yet another song!)

I'm listening to a lot of music in Spanish, just to get in the habit of listening to that language (I struggle with languages...)

Other artists I have discovered through "people that bought this also bought..."

  • Thalia (Latino)
  • Mediaeval Baebes (from Loreena McKinnett) (Welsh Folk)
  • Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (Hawaiian)

And from other people:

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Yes…I had to have patience. I thought I would have this up last night and it just didn’t work out…

Anyway! This week!

Sara at Stones of Remembrance reminds us that we can learn from Saul’s mistake to wait on the Lord and have patience in her post, Wait, My Soul, Upon the Lord.

Amanda (Following an Unknown Path) reflects on what it means to endure the wait.

Heather at Mumblings of A Mommy Monk looks at the cycle of life in the seasons, giving us hope to wait upon God in the darkness in “Wait Upon the Lord”.

And one more! Barbara from DownstownGirl studies how wisdom works patience…and how to get there in “Beauty of Patience.“

Ellen (MzEllen & Co. ) finally (sometimes) realizes that we most often get patience by being patient in Patience…

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Indeed. My computer is running slow (not sure if it's the router or the computer; I'm going to take it to an internet cafe later and see if it runs slowly there).

I'm late on the post, I'm late on the Carnival, I'm late on homework and studying. Go figure.

The beauty of patience is that God seems to give us lots of opportunities to practice! And when we fall with lack of patience, He seem to give us the perfect opportunity to repent!

My class has a young woman in a wheel chair (CP). I was trying to get her ready to swim (admittedly she was being lazy more so than incapable because I know what she's capable of). After finally getting her suit on, she looked up at me and said, "Am I too much trouble for you?"...oh...melting heart...

I think that (as a rule), the more opportunities I have to be patient (read, the more trying life is), the better I get at patience.

(Another life lesson)

More and more professors are using the internet for classes - my Spanish professor posts grade, study guides and assignments on "blackboard". In my other classes, when I take a test, I know that when I go into the class next week I'll find out what my grade was. In Spanish, handed in an assignment on Thursday afternoon and here I am on Saturday morning, tapping my foot, 'why isn't my grade up yet!?!?!" In any other class, I'd be happily waiting until the next week. But the internet is instant and I'm impatiently waiting for my professor to be instant also.

Once I "got this", it's a lot easier to wait.

Patience is a fruit...waiting for fruit takes patience. If you try to force it (fruit) you end up with a mess. Think of the last time you bit into an apple that hadn't had time to ripen.

This is sort of a catch-22. If you want patience, then you have to be patient. A long time ago I had a kid's tape (it's not even available on iTunes now). Rappin Rabbit's Christian Habits.

"I have waited long enough...give me some of that patience stuff!"

god bless!