So, how do you REALLY feel about those singles?

Ok, so I got a little irritated at my co-worker. Let's call it "righteous indignation".

I work with a woman who is a minister's wife (Pentacostal church). I was on a short break one day last week (it's taken me this long to post about it) and when I walked back into the classroom, this woman was saying something about "single women". With her being a minister's wife and all, I thought she would be (silly me) talking about ministering to singles. So I asked.

She said (this is very close to a direct quote): "I just don't think know...single women should be hanging out with married people."

You know - if you stick in any other demographic it would be appalling - sinful. If you deliberately exclude any other demographic...well, let's try.

If you heard, "I just don't think it's appropriate for black people to hang out with white people" - how would you feel?

Or "I just don't think it's appropriate for mentally impaired (old, young, empty-nesters, blind, fat, short) people to be hanging out with (people like me).

Do I just hear this more often because my ears are more attuned because I feel this is where God is calling me? Or does anybody else get this feeling?

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8 thoughts on “So, how do you REALLY feel about those singles?

  1. That's a shame--especially coming from a minister's wife. I was divorced for five years before remarrying my ex, and let me tell you, I felt that same discrimination in certain churches by a few people--not all. Many pastors prefer to mingle marrieds/singles 'cause it's more like family that way. Not a bad idea, except some of the singles then complain that folks don't comprehend their special needs.

    Maybe her feelings/prejudices/fears (whatever you call 'em) stem from her own insecurities. She probably thinks that single women pose a threat to married men--I dunno. It's ridiculous.

    Single people are not lepers. You seem to have a discerning, loving heart. Wish I could say this for the pastor's wife:-)

    Thanks for the post. I came here to see what I need to do to participate in the BOB carnival this week:-) I just returned from taking some time off.

    Blessings to you!

  2. Good grief...that's just pitiful. The people who should know better don't, and happily spew ignorance to other people. Ask her if she knows of a leper colony that she thinks you should go join.

    Good grief...

  3. Phil in CA

    I'm not surprised, really. First, this woman is clearly speaking through the voice of insecurity -- which says a lot more about the condition of her own marriage than anything else. We only fear that which poses real threat. If singles pose a threat then her marriage is, by evidence, vulnerable and she knows it. I might go so far as to proffer that she fears being around singles because she could be one of those neglected pastors’ wives. Ask someone with years in ministry and they'll tell you that the pastor's wife is often simultaneously the most praised and neglected woman to darken the door of the church. She also wouldn’t be the first married woman to hate being around single women because they envy the supposed “freedom” of being single again.

  4. Weird. I wonder why she said that?

    I'm married. I don't have a problem with having single friends. What do ages and stages have to do with fellowship?! Frankly, a mix is better because you can help each other...

    I will say though - that I have felt a little...uncomfortable in the past with a friend who was older than me, single, and desperately wanting to be married and a mom. I felt so awkward and -well - almost guilty as I got the life that she wanted. I felt like if I told her when I was pregnant - again - and again - that it was almost like rubbing it in... But still. That doesn't jive with a blanket statement like that lady was making.

  5. I was single for 33 years before I got married. I wanted to go to the womens Bible study at my old church. I thought I was a woman....but apparently I had to be married as well. I wasn't "allowed" to attend. I was very hurt. At 30 years old, they thought the single adults should go to the youth activities with the 16 year olds. Needless to say, that was only one of the reasons I left. I try to include all my single friends, since I remember how they feel. I'm incredible happy being married and having a child, but I try not to rub it in to those who do not have the same blessings that I do. As Blest said, sometimes it almost feels like that when I bubble over to some of my single friends.

  6. (thanks for stopping by!)

    That attitude kind of blows you away, doesn't it? I mean - if they don't get that it's hurtful to start with, nothing you can say is going to make a difference.

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