‘forgiveness’ Category
» posted on Sunday, April 27th, 2008 at 1:33 pm by Ellen
From Forgiven to Forgiveness” chapter one - What is Forgiveness?
Jay Adams calls “apologizing” the world’s unsatisfactory substitute for forgiveness.
“uh…sorry”…”that’s ok.” That is apology and it’s not the real thing.
There is another question that parallels “what is forgiveness”.
What does forgiveness DO?
What makes “forgiveness”, “forgiveness”?
Is it a feeling? No - Scripture says nothing about “feeling” forgiving. Scripture tells us to forgive.
Eph.4:32 tells us, “…forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
The “as” gives us a model. Strong’s gives the definition
1)according as
…a)just as, even as
…b)in proportion as, in the degree that
2)since, seeing that, agreeably to the fact that
3)when, after that
What does Scripture tell us about God’s forgiveness of us? Does He simply sit in heaven and “emote”? No, He gives us a promise.
Isa 43:25 “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
and I will not remember your sins.Jer 31:34b For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”
If forgiveness were merely a “feeling”, we could not rely on this promise.
If forgiveness were merely “forgetting”, it would not be a purposeful relinquishing of the debt. I can “forget” my keys. But the Almighty Creator of the universe cannot forget anything. It is a commitment to not recall, not bring it to remembrance, not to bring it up, remind, mention or record the offense.
If I make that promise to forgive - to not bring it up again - and I do, that is breaking a promise. I went through a really rough time with my daughter a couple of years ago. That which was done is no longer between us - and the repentance/forgiveness process works.
We went through this book. I DID bring it up again and my daughter (as my sister in Christ) reminded me of the promise. I had my own repenting to do. The process works.
Forgiveness is a promise.
2 comments | filed under Christianity - Issues · Reading, watching, listening · books · forgiveness
» posted on Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am by Ellen
17 comments | filed under forgiveness
» posted on Friday, June 9th, 2006 at 10:48 am by Ellen
God’s Eraser
Note: I’ve added the link to Mark Driscoll’s blog - the paper is 20 pages long but you can download it in pdf format. I’ve also added a link to
Several years ago I was working with first graders trying to “get” math. One young lady really struggled with the concepts and one day she huffed and puffed and finally rolled her eyes and said, “I am so happy that Jesus invented erasers!”
Jesus is like that.
Psalm 103:12
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Isaiah 43:25
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.
It is people that have the eraser problem.
In another place, we’re rehasing divorce and remarriage…Here is a quote from Mark Driscoll’s church’s position paper.
“…The consequence of sexual sin is grave and not resolvable for the offending spouse, outside the mercy and grace of the other spouse. Hardness of heart will demand punishment. Mercy and grace will work toward authentic repentance and restoration.”
There are a couple of problems with this position.
1) This entire position leaves out GOD! Forgiveness and restoration depends not on God, but on people.
2) This position assumes that if the “offended” spouse refuses to forgive, it must be because the “offending” spouse is not authentically forgiven. It is dangerous to assume that.
3) Nothing is said of the sin of having a hard heart. If (generic) you refuse to forgive a repentant person, that is one of the things that should make you question whether or not you are even a Christian.
In this position, restoration depends entirely on another human being. A sinner can stand repentant before God and it just wouldn’t matter.
(here is a link to a page where you can download Driscoll’s sermons to listen to - including this one)
Another place our human erasers have problems is with the false separation of forgiveness and restoration.
When we are forgiven by God, He does not hold our sins against us.
Often, when we are “forgiven” by people, we hear, “I forgive you, but I just can’t…”
One (now departed) woman I knew said, “I forgive him, but I don’t have to like him and I don’t have to talk to him and I don’t have to accept him.” Is that forgiveness? It sure certainly isn’t restoration.
And it is the opposite of 2 Cor 2:7-8 7 “…so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.”
There are three things needed for a sinner to be restored to the body. Forgiveness, comfort, reaffirming love.
Jay Adams says in “From Forgiven to Forgiving“:
The word reaffirm is a specialized term…meaning to officially reinstate. When one repents and is readmitted into the church, he may not be accepted as a second-class citizen of the kingdom of God. God has no such citizens. The repentant one comes back with full rights and privileges of membership into the church…Now, in most reconciliation contexts, someone will not be reentering the church after having been disciplined out of it, but, in an unofficial way, the same thing holds. Neither you nor others should remain aloof from the brother or sister who is reinstated. Fu7ll fellowship must be restored. He should be restored with active, loving words and deeds by all…”
If you don’t have this book, I strongly urge you to follow the link and get it (I don’t get a cut, Baker is just my favorite Christian bookstore), read it and put it into practice. Putting the principles in this book into action has changed my relationship with my daughter. She knows that if she has repented for an action and I bring it up again, she can (and does) call me on it. I do the same with her. This recipricol accountability has changed things.
I know that it is impossible for a person to truly take a another at his or her word and forgive and not hold it against them. It is truly impossible. How can we comfort the person who sinned against us?!?
The answer is that we can’t. Romans 7:18 says, “…For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. ”
But there’s hope, Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
A (then unsaved) friend of mine was once going through a very difficult situation and she said to me, “I’m not going to be able to do this without God, am I.” Nope.
And no, forgiving God’s way requires God. It keeps us humble and it keeps the forgiven one restored.
I think God planned it that way.
2 comments | filed under forgiveness
» posted on Saturday, March 18th, 2006 at 8:52 am by Ellen
Forgiveness and Restoration
I’ve been pondering forgiveness and restoration (because of the possibility of running into a person that I’d rather not deal with.)
I’m a follower of Jay E. Adams and “From Forgiven to Forgiving” is a book that I turn to often. I not sure that I fully agree:
I agree that (in theory) Adams is right. But it can be difficult to implement - especially in - especially in a business or online world, or in a church community where church discipline is not practiced. I’ve also got a couple of thoughts that Adams does not (if I remember) fully address.
There is a difference between “holding a grudge” and “withholding forgiveness”.
Holding a grudge is about your own emotions and refusing to move on. Bitterness and anger are “red flags” that you are holding a grudge. Grudges have nothing to do with “relationship” or “forgiveness”. It’s about the human desire to hold something over another person - for the sake of spite.
In the face of a repentant offender, to hold a grudge is a serious sin (and one of the sins that should make us doubt our salvation.)
Holding a grudge is easy and very human.
Withholding forgiveness is something different. Withholding forgiveness is about forgiveness and restoration. If you don’t have glorifying God through forgiveness and restoration as the goal, you’re not withholding forgiveness, you’re holding a grudge.
The Bible says, “…and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
This is where many people disagree with Adams, believing rather that we are to forgiven whether or not the offender has indicated any repentance or willingness to not repeat the offense.) Adams makes a case that God is our example in forgiveness. As God forgives us, we forgive others.
In our repentance, we have the ability to bring others to repentance. When we are reconciled to God, we can bring others to reconciliation with God (us).
How do we become reconciled to God?
I’m also very torn myself. Being reformed, when are my sins forgiven? When is the slate wiped clean? Is it when I use the words “I’m sorry”? Or was it before the foundations of the earth were laid, when God chose me in Christ? And how do I model that?
If I have a particular sin that I struggle with “being sorry for”, does God forgive that sin? If I want God to forgive all of my sins, whether or not I can be truly sorry, does God expect me to forgive the offenses of others, whether or not they are truly sorry?
(This is where I have an addition to Adams.) I believe there is also a place for withholding restoration (but perhaps not full restoration) if the safety, peace or welfare of a person or group is at risk. I’m not thinking one-time offenses or “little things” - the multitudes of offenses that love should cover. I’m thinking about either repeated “big” offenses (behavior that doesn’t appear to indicate “repentance”) or offenses that have such a high probability of offense that full restoration simply does not keep the safety and peace of others in mind. In cases like these, accountability (hand in hand with a commitment by the offender) is vital.
Withholding forgiveness is a set of behaviors aimed at causing the offender to know in their heart that they have hurt others and to cause them to “be truly sorry” and to make a commitment to turn from that behavior.
Withholding forgiveness is aimed always at reconciliation.
Withholding forgiveness always excludes bitterness. (You might also exclude anger, if you can. There is a place for righteous anger, but when confronting an offense in hopes of reconciliation, many times anger is best left behind.)
I believe that you can take this to the secular, although there cannot be full resoration to a “fellowship” that was never there. At best, you can reconcile to the status that you had before the offense.
This is Biblical. There are specific steps.
- you confront the person privately (I believe that if the offense was committed against a group of people or as part of a conversation, this can vary. If you immediately - within the same conversation - state the offense, this is perhaps the best way to take care of it immediately. Most reasonable people will see that they have offended and “take it back”. End of story.)
- if the person does not listen - take two or three witnesses. (this is way harder on line.) With this small group of people, there are (hopefully) objective witnesses that will hear both sides, examine what was said and encourage both sides to reconciliation.
- if they still do not listen, take it to the group (or in a secular setting, to the group that both parties are a member of)
- if they still do not listen, forgiveness and restoration cannot (or should not) take place.
None of this is aimed at “punishing” the offender or perpetually holding them at arm’s length. It is aimed at bringing the offender back into the relationship that you had before the offense - or perhaps a deeper relationship.
When I have practiced this - it works.
It is not easy and it is not about me.
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