This is the “Anniversary”

at 3:00 am five years ago, my husband of 23 years passed away in my arms.

At around midnight, he woke up and said, "I'm not ready yet." and then he fell asleep. A while later, he said, "well, I do have some regrets" and later, "I guess I'm ok."

His last words were "I love you."

The rest of the day was surreal. My pastor and his wife came over with coffee. A friend had taken Art's suit to the cleaners and I didn't know which one.

We really were ready - I never did "grieve" the way that people expected me to and I think that upset folks.

After everything else that had happened, this day seemed almost anticlimatic - five years ago June 2 was on a Saturday and we just had a family time. The first visitation would be on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday.

Back then, I'm not sure where I expected to be five years later. I'm not sure where I'm going to be in five years from now.

Today - I got hailed on. Art loved storms, so it's fitting.

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8 thoughts on “This is the “Anniversary”

  1. I recently lost an uncle to cancer - and am so sad for my aunt who will be alone - yet, here you are 5 years later doing great - I love it that a hail storms reminds you, happily, of your love.

  2. atlantic

    Ellen, I've been reading this all along and not commenting because I never know what to say. I've been thinking of, and praying for you.

  3. Ellen, I too have been checking in to follow the story. You have honored your husband's memory. Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us.

  4. Ellen, I am inspired by your strength and encouraged by your wisdom. It's odd to me how so many people can see "lack of grief" as wrong...although it is also tough to embrace "celebrating" the passing of a loved one, even when we believe he is going on to a better place.

  5. thank you all...

    Although I think that it's less wisdom and more like "muddling through by the grace of God".

  6. Ellen,
    I'm sorry for your loss. The older I get, the more people I know who have walked through valleys. Heaven gets brighter.
    I'm glad you were able to be with your husband at the end.

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