I'm helping to take care of my mom.
That act of care-taking is the biggest part of what is helping me. This woman that I love, that nurtured me and took care of me...is in need.
There are moments (not very many), but for the most part, I'm glad that I can be there.
Some if it is going through the motions...some of it must be hard for her, so I'm "matter of fact" about it.
Mom was a lot more fragile today...jittery and shaky. A lot more time spent in bed and we skipped a lot of PT (at the therapist's suggestion). She did the sitting exercises and she transfered a lot of times. then she just wanted to rest.
when the PT got here, she said that she had taken on another patient that was in the same boat and they tried something that worked. She put Mom's chair close to the kitchen sink and had Mom rock...on the count of 3...stand up. the support belt helped because we can help lift her. The cabinet doors kept her knees from buckling and she held onto the sink for dear life. It was only a few seconds, but she was standing.
Those were the only good tears of the day.
Me...it wasn't one of the worst days.
She stood up. Major assistance, but a major milestone.
We have to push her wheelchair up to the kitchen sink, she pushes up on the arms of the chair, the cupboard doors keep her knees from buckling and then she grabs the edge of the sink and she stands for a few seconds. I have to hold her "belt" (a strap that goes around the outside of her brace so that we can help or catch) and give her a little boost, then support...but it's happening.
My day...It's a good day for Mom
A sermon was preached yesterday based on the premise that God knows what we need before we ask...before we even know that we need it. (this, I totally agree with)...
and the instruction: instead of "me, me, me"...for one week, we are not to ask God for anything, but rather we should wait and trust because He already knows what we need.
I'm holding on because I am in constant supplication for strength and help. And I'm supposed to not ask God for anything? Not even help?
Excuse the language: bullshit.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Luke 11:3
Give us each day our daily bread.
Jesus instructed us, ask. that's good enough for me.
I suppose what got me into trouble was that I said so...in front of my family...and it was my brother-in-law that preached the sermon...
There is a sort of emotional pain that is small and nagging - it's persistent and always there. Like an achy joint. It's annoying, but you can live with it and most of the time you don't even notice.
Then there is the emotional pain that is so overwhelming that it crushes the breath out of you. You want to avoid it or make it stop, but the only way out is through.
You feel so pressed, so brittle - if somebody touches you, you'll shatter into a million tiny pieces.
I am familiar with this pain.
I need to understand that this is also the emotional pain that my dad is feeling right now. His wife of 50 years has gone from being (in pain, but) relatively independent - to not being able to stand up or even use the toilet by herself.
How much will she recover? Nobody knows. We hope that she'll recover to the point that the doctor originally thought she would. But it's going to be a very long time.
My dad is serverely diabetic, he has a cardiac history and he's 72 years old. He's very afraid that he won't be able to take care of her the way that she is now and he's right.
The pain in that helplessness - knowing the one you love is hurting and not having the ability to fix the hurt...hurts.
My mom is doing pretty poorly. Her feet do not do what they're supposed to do and she's not strong enough to lift her body weight. Her surgeon isn't talking (or showing up) and the therapist tell them that they need to talk to the surgeon. She's depressed and right now I'm not much help in that regard. She's also worried that Dad wants to put her in a nursing home...
Dad...is really scared that he's not going to be able to take care of her. One option (if there's going to be an eventual improvement) is a short term stay at a nursing home. Mom cries and tells him not to give up on her.
Dad cried tonight when he was talking about what he's going to do.
He's remembering when Aunt Joyce died and how my cousin and could not lift her when she fell and how they all felt when they had to put her in the home.
and he talked about how he doesn't know how my aunt copes with an invalid husband in a wheel chair - how does that work and what is he going to do?
And how my Aunt Pat lives alone now...
My dad is really down. I don't know what to do.
"single" meant "not married".
Now it evidently means "not attached to a particular person".
We should enjoy the blessing that God gives us - and God has given us much (I'm thinking in the Western mindset in the United States.)
We are privileged here and there is no reason that we should not enjoy the blessing that have been given us - but there are dangers and drawbacks to those blessings.
When we forget that they are blessings, and not entitlements, we become less grateful.
When we lose sight of those who do not have these blessings, we become self-centered.
We we believe the blessings are entitlements, we become selfish.
I was just on my facebook page...
At the same time I was updating my bike ride, a co-worker was giving us an update on another co-worker who has suffered a stroke
The health that I have is a blessing that others may not have. I am grateful to God that I have the means to become more healthy, while others are in hospital beds recovering.
As a co-worker was describing his delightful day on the warm, (relatively) clean beach of Lake Michgan, a missionary we support was telling us that 30 Karamong in a swamp.
The clean water that we enjoy is a blessing that some others in the world do not have.
Some of my friends are golfing, the Sliedricht family is visiting mass graves in Obalanga.
We have land that spreads out to enjoy life; in other countries there is so much death they do not even dig individual graves.
I have the summer off, the Sliedrichts are working with people in poverty.
Just saying.
I need to make a commitment to blogging - this is silly and it's not like I've given up on life, it's more like I'm just not organized enough to write about it (this time of year...)
Tomorrow is alpaca shearing day! The young fellow I'm shearing is named "Raffle Tickets".
One of my co-workers in my classroom had a massive stroke over the weekend and is currently in a coma. There are some hopeful signs, but she needs prayer.
My mom was scheduled for back surgery on the 9th, but had a heart test that had some problems so they canceled the surgery in order to follow up on the heart thing. The cardiologist cleared her for the surgery, but since it had been postponed, now she's trying to get the original date again.
I rode my bike 50 miles on Saturday.
Now that we need a passport to go to Canada (we used to "swing by" Canada on a pretty regular basis)...
My application is in (posting it here so that when I start to wonder where it is, I can look here for the date...)